DREAMER

Yup. I think that describes my week.
I can say I had the worst week of my sophomore school year this week.

Monday started off horribly because I had failed to work on my Asian Studies DBQ and reading and had stayed up basically all night trying to finish. I only got a maximum of two hours of sleep. What joy-

Tuesday was a bit better because my tutor had to cancel our class today. I went home but I had to practice for my test at my hagwon. Uhoh. I hadn’t been practicing. I was scared and nervous at the fact that I wouldn’t do well. But I also had quizzes and tests and homework I had to do before I could practice. I finished my homework at nearly 12:00 am, although I don’t know why since I had more time than usual. And I couldn’t practice at one in the morning because it would frustrate the neighbors. Even if I was a fabulous singer, which I obviously am not, they would still complain.

Then comes the day of my breakdown. Wednesday. The day of my test at hagwon. After school, I went straight to my hagwon in Gangnam and waited for my lesson at 4:00pm. It was ten past and my teacher did not show. I text her & her reply: we don’t have a lesson today. That was when I started to panic. “What??! No lesson?? She still didn’t teach me how to start the song! What?! How I am I supposed to sing when my test is in three hours??!”
Fortunately, she was upstairs in the recording studio and had come down to teach me. Phew.
Things should have gotten better, but it did not. It was 6:55 and I started to pack my things and head upstairs to the recording studio. It was time and I didn’t have any other way to get myself out of it. I had no other choice.
“Are you ready?”
I would usually say “yes” in a loud and confident voice, but that day I could only nod my head slightly.
“Ok, let’s do it.”

I don’t remember how, but I sang the whole song. The engineer told me not to look at the lyrics and try again. I tried a second time and, again, I sang it through once.
“Good job. You can come out now.”
I was so angry at myself as I put down the headphones. Why am I so bad? Why couldn’t I have done any better? I opened the door and I couldn’t move. My teacher came out, but I just slowly leaned against the wall and tried hard to make sure I didn’t cry. I guess that didn’t help because before I knew it, tears were rolling down my face. It may not seem like a big deal, but it was to me. Words can’t describe it. I think there’s something to music that makes people feel so emotional sometimes. It’s different from failing a written test at school. Why and how? I do not know.
I walked into the next room where I talked with my teacher and the engineer. They were obviously trying to cheer me up, which I was very thankful for. But I knew it wasn’t true. They knew I could have done better.
“The important thing is you didn’t go down from where you were before.” My teachers are always talking to me about steps and how singing is related to that. You start at the bottom of the staircase and slowly climb up. You progress and, at one point, you will sooner or later reach the flat part of the staircase. That is where I am right now. I’ve made extremely good progress these past seven months or so and I am stuck and struggling to climb up to the next level. It’s actually pretty depressing because nothing seems to be working and everything I do doesn’t work out well. Stresses builds up inside me and Wednesday was the day it all exploded.

Then came Thursday. I had a test that day, but I had spent hours crying in my bed that I did not study. I knew I should have studied, but I didn’t want to worry about it. I tried my best to cram in the most amount of studying throughout the day and kept telling myself I could do well. (I actually did better than I expected) Anyway, I felt a whole lot better and I was ready to go to hagwon. Today was the day of my lesson. My teacher was not there on Wednesday when everything happened, and I knew that topic was going to come up during our one-hour lesson. Not even five minutes had passed, and my teacher brought it up. I was very thankful I had teachers like that. They’re not only wise musically but also humanly; I really love them for that. It was time to practice. I couldn’t get any of the notes right and I was off pitch most of the time. I was starting to get annoyed and I couldn’t concentrate. After about ten minutes, but what actually felt like thirty minutes, I started to cry - again. I hated myself for crying in front of my teacher. I told myself before I went to hagwon that I would not cry ever again; it didn’t work.

We talked. We talked it all out. I was beginning to feel better and I wiped away my tears. I smiled. I tried to think positive. But that didn’t work as well. I just couldn’t stop the tears. I wanted to so badly. I wished they would stop. It would not. “When you can’t sing, you can always listen” was what my teacher had told me. I took his advice. I went to the record store and bought a couple of albums and went home and listened. It worked!! I felt so much better. I think it was that AND the fact that I had went outside. I have been staying at home lately and only went outside for school. It was nice to go out even though it took me less than half an hour. Anyway, I went home and I exercised as well and that also helped! No more homework, no more tests. I went to bed.

Then came Friday. T.G.I.F!
First period went by very quickly because our teacher had planned a very fun fun fun activity for us. (Notice the sarcasm.) Then it was second period: orchestra. Probably one of my favorite classes because it was music and it is different from other classrooms. It’s more free and is no real “studying” involved. I got to leave ten minutes before the bell ran because a few other freshmen and I was in coaching club. We had the wonderful chance to help out with middle school Field Day. (Again, sarcasm.) We ate lunch an hour early and went to the soccer field to get ready. The event started at around 11:30. Unfortunately, my friend Brenda and I had picked the wrong station to work at. It was too much work for us. I was so exhausted and I could tell I was becoming dehydrated. But it was only 1:00 pm. Another hour and a half to go! Ugh.

That was when I started to get cranky because of the heat and all the kids. Trust me, it’s not that I don’t like kids. I don’t like kids who don’t listen and don’t do what they’re supposed to. It was like I was babysitting them. Finally it was over. All I wanted to do was go home but I had tutor. What joy.

Luckily, the time went by fairly quickly and I was home. I went to the gym to exercise and get rid of all my stress. I ran on the treadmill about two hours and I felt so refreshed. I showered and went to bed. I woke up on Saturday morning and felt so much better. But that was only for a couple of hours. I apparently displeased my parents and I got in trouble. I didn’t know what I had done so wrong and it was so unfair. I cried AGAIN. Unbelievable. Three days in a week. I wiped away my tears and got up and went out.

I had made a mani and pedi appointment. I haven’t been there in more than two weeks. I treated myself to something I wanted. It actually felt really good to get my nails done. I went home and exercised again. Then came Sunday. After my two classes were over, I started to practice for my orchestra final. I was starting to get back on track. I figured out that if I practice beforehand, I won’t be as stressed the night before the performance.

I think I learned a lot this week. If I had practiced before, I wouldn’t have been as stressed. If only I hadn’t wasted my time on the internet, I thought. But if there is one sad fact about life that I really hate is that you can’t go back in time. Time never goes back, it only goes forward. So that is why I think it is important to live every second to the fullest.

So to sum all of my blabbering up:
- Do things ahead of time so you don’t panic the night before.
- Listen to music & exercise to relieve stress.
- Treat yourself to something good once in a while.

Posted by skim092 under Life. in general & Plans & Thoughts and lessons and etc. & Stress Relievers & Music & School | No Comments »

SUMMER ‘08 is ALMOST HERE

It is mid May already. Spring is almost gone and summer is on the way. Everyone just can’t seem to sit still and wait patiently for school to be over and have fun during summer vacation. At school, we are getting ready for finals and starting to prepare for the end of the school year. Right now even Mrs. Halvorsen is handing back posters for us to recycle and clean up.

I’m getting ready for summer by trying to focus on school. I can’t let summer get in my way already! I’m trying to focus on the three weeks of school we have left which means finals. I don’t want to do poorly on finals and feel bad about it until report cards come. Which also means that I don’t want my mom to be in a bad mood for a whole week because that would ruin my summer. Anyway, I think everyone should finish the year off strong. It is the last month of our sophomore year, and soon we will be juniors. Things will be even harder and school will be more demanding, but we will have to deal with it somehow. Let’s just finish nicely so we can relax for the short two months we have off.

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In The Importance of Being Earnest, the upper class uses food as an alternative for enjoyment and pleasure. Food is always present in front of guests.

I think food is used for pleasure. I know many people, myself included, who eat food whenever they are stressed. I find myself eating constantly when I am tired and I have too many things on my mind. I keep telling myself I shouldn’t, but it’s very hard to control. This only happens to me once in a while but I know some people who do this every week over and over again. This not only results in gaining weight, but bad health.

So to fix this habit of eating whenever you are stressed, you should find another alternative to get rid of stress. Some ways of doing this might be exercising or sleeping. Listening to music helps me. I find that I get bloated very easily when I eat a lot or don’t get enough sleep. This is why I feel better during vacations because I can get the maximum amount of sleep I can.

So instead of using food for pleasure, I think you should try listening to music or exercising.

Posted by skim092 under Craves & Thoughts and lessons and etc. & Stress Relievers & Food | No Comments »

With all this stress, your head just might explode!

So cool down a bit. Cool off.

You ask, “But how can I? I have two papers due tomorrow. A test and a project!”
It’s okay. You can do it. Calm down. It’s real easy.

First. Don’t stress over it. Believe in yourself that you can do it. Keep repeating that to yourself. Tell yourself that you can do it, that you can finish everything.

Second. Concentrate. Don’t text message with your friends. Don’t go online. No chatting until you are finished. Turn off all music and televisions in your room.

Third. Think of the weekend! Think of how relaxed you will be once you finish everything. That will get you to work faster.

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You know one of those songs that you fall in love with the moment you hear it? I have one song in particular – A Moment Like This by Kelly Clarkson. I was never a big fan of Kelly Clarkson before I heard this song. Many know her as the “American Idol” star. To me, however, she is just one of my favorite singers.

I love most of her songs. Not only is the music good, the singer is even better. Kelly Clarkson is an amazing singer. A Moment Like This is a song that I will probably never get tired of. I think I have listened to it at least 1000 times and sang it hundreds of times. It is the song that I am currently practicing. I think this song will always be my favorite.

But what makes a favorite song your favorite? Is it the singer or is it the music? Is it the music video? Is it the sound or the lyrics that you like? Is it the way it makes you feel? How does a song become your favorite song? There are some songs that get tiring after hearing it a couple of times. But “favorite songs” are different. No many how many times you hear it – over and over again – you keep listening to it. I think it’s interesting. It’s almost as if your ears are very picky. But it’s never good to be picky about anything so I suggest you listen to a wide variety of music and songs.

Some of my all time favorites

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Music: To me, music is something that I can’t live without. Listening to music calms me down. Whenever I am angry, sad, or happy, I am always listening to music. Even as I am writing this, I am listening to music. If there were no music in life, it would be very dull. There are also so many different types of music: pop, rock, R&B, jazz, hip-pop, country, metal, alternative; so many different types to suit your mood. The thing that upsets me most about Korean music is that fact that albums aren’t being sold. People are saying it is the downfall of Korean music, and, unfortunately, I have to say I agree. Music is being downloaded for free on the internet. This has to stop for one primary reason – its illegal. Either way, music is music and all I have to say is that I love music.

Friends: What would I do without them? They are always there for me as I will always be there for them. There is one quote that I always liked: “A best friend is like a four-leaf clover – hard to find but lucky to have”. I guess I have always been lucky because I have so many good friends that I can count on. They make my life bearable. No matter how hard it may be sometimes, I can always talk to them. They listen to me and I listen to them. That’s what friends are for, isn’t it? It may be two in the morning or during lunch at school – we will always be talking. I never really remember what we talk about, but one thing is for certain. I always remember we were having a good time.

Family: I love my family. I love my Mom, Dad, and my brother. I can’t leave out Mary, our eight-year-old dog. They are the ones who know the most about me. They even know things that I don’t even know. I can always count on them. I know they love me and I love them, too. Even though I may make stupid mistakes sometimes, they are always there for me. They support me and look after me. They can always help me solve my problems. I sometimes think I made the right choice of not going to boarding school because I love being with my family. I won’t be living with my parents anymore when I graduate high school. I try to enjoy my time at home the most I can.

Sugar, candy, chocolate and all that good stuff: Need I say more?

SLEEPING: Sleep is something that I don’t get much of during the week. In addition to school and homework and tests, I have “hagwon” and I have to practice every night. During the weekends, I am always sleeping until 12 in the noon. I love to sleep. Sometimes it amazes me that I can still function without getting enough sleep.

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